Recognising Cybergrooming: Warning Signs and What to Do

Someone in a chat is really nice, listens, pays you compliments and gives you skins or credit. At some point everything is supposed to stay secret, and the questions get more personal. This is often how cybergrooming begins. This article helps you recognise cybergrooming: the warning signs, what is a criminal offence in Germany, and what young people and parents can do.

In acute danger? If a meeting has been arranged, someone is putting pressure on you or making threats: call the police on 110, the emergency number in Germany. Do this even if you are not sure.

What is cybergrooming?

Cybergrooming means that someone deliberately builds up contact with children or young people online in order to sexually abuse them or to get nude images. The offenders build trust, often over weeks, and then exploit it.

It happens wherever children and young people are online: in games with chat, on Discord, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat or in messengers. Many offenders pretend to be the same age. Others say openly that they are older and play the role of a mentor, friend or fan.

Recognising cybergrooming: the key warning signs

A single sign proves nothing. If several come together, pay attention:

• Lots of praise, quick closeness. Constant compliments, a striking number of shared interests, “You understand me like no one else.”
• Gifts. Skins, in-game currency, credit or money. Later this often turns into leverage: “I’ve done so much for you.”
• Moving to a private chat. Soon after the first contact, they want to switch to a messenger or video chat where nobody else can see.
• Secrecy. “This stays between us.” “Your parents wouldn’t understand.”
• Personal questions. About your body, your experiences, your relationships. The conversation keeps coming back to sex.
• Questions about where you are. Where you live, which school you go to, when you are home alone.
• Their camera is “broken”. They want to see you but never show themselves.
• Requests for photos. Harmless ones first, then more and more revealing ones.
• Not accepting no. Guilt-tripping, sulking or threats if you do not go along.

If something feels off, that is reason enough to stop. You do not owe anyone an explanation.

Is cybergrooming a criminal offence?

Yes. Since the 2021 reform of German sexual offences law, it has been covered by § 176b StGB (preparation of sexual abuse of children) in the German Criminal Code. It is an offence to use content such as chats, images or videos to influence a child in order to get them to engage in sexual acts or to obtain child sexual abuse material. Under criminal law, a child is anyone under 14. The penalty is three months to five years in prison.

An attempt is also punishable if the offence fails only because the offender mistakenly believes they are writing to a child, when in fact they are writing to an adult, for example. § 176b is prosecuted ex officio (Offizialdelikt): the police investigate on their own.

Depending on the case, other provisions may also apply:

• Showing a child pornographic content or influencing a child with sexual talk is sexual abuse without physical contact (§ 176a StGB), punishable by six months to ten years in prison.
• Making pornographic content accessible to people under 18 can be an offence under § 184 StGB.
• For young people aged 14 to 17, § 176b does not apply. It can still be an offence, depending on the case, for example under § 184 StGB or, where nude images are involved, under § 184c StGB.

If someone threatens you with images or demands money, read Sextortion: Help When You Are Blackmailed With Nude Images. The legal assessment of an individual case is for the police, the public prosecutor or a law firm.

What can you do if someone writes to you like this?

1. Stop replying. You owe this person nothing, not even after gifts.
2. Do not send photos or personal details. No address, no school, no location.
3. Save the chat. Take screenshots of the conversation with the profile name, username, link to the profile, date and time. If the person sent you nude images or you sent some: do not screenshot them and do not forward anything. Just note that they exist. Our guide to securing evidence shows how to do it properly.
4. Tell someone. A parent, an older sibling, a trusted teacher or the school social worker. You are not in trouble because someone else is doing something wrong.
5. Report and block. Save first, then report to the platform, then block.
6. File a police report. Together with an adult you trust, at a police station or online through the online police station (Onlinewache) of your federal state.

If you want to talk to someone anonymously first: the Nummer gegen Kummer helpline is on 116 111 (Monday to Saturday, 2 to 8 pm, free, anonymous, in German). At juuuport, young people counsel young people online. If you are feeling very low, the Telefonseelsorge crisis line is there around the clock on 0800 111 0 111 (in German).

What can parents do?

Prevention

• Talk early and often. Not as a one-off warning but as part of everyday life: Who are you chatting with? What are you playing at the moment? Interest, not interrogation.
• Make it clear: you can always come to me. No punishment, no blame. Children who fear a phone ban tell you less.
• Check the settings together. Who can send messages? Is the profile private? Is location sharing on? Do you know the apps and games your child uses?
• Talk through the warning signs. Especially secrecy, gifts and moving to private chats.

If it has happened

• Stay calm and believe your child. The offender alone is to blame.
• Secure the chat together, without saving or forwarding nude images.
• Do not confront the offender and do not pose as a child yourself to catch them. That is the police’s job.
• File a police report. In acute danger, such as a planned meeting: 110.
• Get support for yourself: the parents’ helpline of Nummer gegen Kummer on 0800 111 0 550 (Mon, Wed, Fri 9 am to 5 pm, Tue, Thu 9 am to 7 pm), or the helpline on sexual abuse (Hilfe-Telefon Sexueller Missbrauch) on 0800 22 55 530 (Mon, Wed, Fri 9 am to 2 pm, Tue, Thu 3 to 8 pm), both free and anonymous (in German).

More on how to support your child is in For Parents: When Your Child Is Attacked Online. How offenders use games and Discord, and how to report there, is explained in Hate in Gaming and on Discord.

Frequently asked questions

When does cybergrooming become a criminal offence?

Under § 176b StGB, as soon as someone uses chats or images to influence a child under 14 in order to get them to engage in sexual acts. A meeting or physical contact is not required.

Does this also apply if I am 14 or older?

§ 176b protects children under 14. For young people, other provisions may apply, for example if pornographic content is sent or nude images are requested. Either way, contact the police or a counselling service.

Will I get into trouble if I sent images myself?

Many people are afraid of exactly this, and offenders exploit that fear. Responsibility lies with the person who deliberately pushed you into it. Police and counselling services know these situations. Talk openly to someone you trust and to the police.

How can I tell whether someone really is the age they claim?

Often you cannot. Warning signs are a “broken” camera, secrecy and personal questions early on. Never meet online contacts alone and always tell someone.

You can also report it through our form. Upload screenshots of the chat there, never nude images. If you say yes, your report goes automatically to a suitable cooperating law firm (Kooperationskanzlei) as soon as one is available. If there is no suitable firm right now, you get an email with other places to turn to straight away. Deadlines keep running: you can always file a request for prosecution (Strafantrag) with the police yourself. The legal assessment comes from the law firm, not from us.